Guilt Free

The other night, I made a post that I would normally never make. I tend to keep my thoughts and worries to myself. But it was late, I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t have my true partner home with me. So…for some reason…I sent it out into Blog Land. I’m glad I did. Some of you gave me such wonderful support and asked some questions that I hadn’t really thought about. Mostly I was just reeling from the shock of it all.

I’ve had time to think about how I really feel about all this. It’s funny, but the thing I feel the most is a lack of guilt. I have been feeling guilty about so many things with all the work involved in this endeavor. If I was doing something with KT, I felt guilty that I wasn’t doing preschool stuff. If I was doing preschool, I felt as though I had abandoned my girl. In a couple of weeks I was supposed to be a counselor at Girl Scout Day Camp with Mimi. I needed that time for preschool planning. The girls have been dying to drive down to San Diego to visit the beach their grandparents. How could I take time for that? In October after Shaun’s product ships we want to go off by ourselves somewhere (anywhere) if my folks can be suckered persuaded to spend time with the girls. You can’t just leave your business.

So, my former-almost-partner and I talked. She’s feeling scared and out of control. This is something that she really, really wants to do. But she wants to make all the decisions without having to consult with someone else. I understand that. I also respect the fact that she realized this and told me before we got too much further into it.

I considered doing the school on my own. I’m realizing now that my heart isn’t as into it as I thought it was. My heart is with my children and with my husband. I only have a few short years left with the girls here at home. I need to make the most of them.

So, I guess all’s well that ends well….I like having a happy, guilt free heart.

 

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5 Responses to Guilt Free

  1. Chelle says:

    Awwww…I love happy endings! Good for you. :o)

  2. Jay says:

    I’m glad you took the time to work it out with her and assess the situation and are happy with the situation.

  3. oddmix says:

    Good for you! I am so glad you resolved what you really want to do. For all that I encouraged you to persue the dream, it was entirely contingent on the second question I asked – “What IS your dream?” Personally I think you are following the best dream of all! I am jealous.

  4. ja says:

    Knowing you, you’re not done yet. You have a good business savey and have a lot to offer! Your are patient and fun with little ones. Maybe you just need to look for another person to share your goals with that have the same drive as you.

    j.a.

  5. KTP says:

    Susan, I had a similar thing happen to me recently, except I was the partner who pulled out. Last year a good friend of mine asked me to work on a project with him and without thinking I said yes, because I knew it was something that would challenge me and make me better as a professional. But as time went on, I found myself stalling and making excuses ,which isn’t really my style. Once I truly examined myself, I realized I didn’t WANT to work on this project. I wanted to concentrate on my family. But I didn’t want to let my friend down. I did a lot of soul searching before I finally came to the decision to back out. I called him and told him I was breaking up with him, but “it’s not you, it’s me!” He laughed and said he understood. I freed him up to find a partner more willing and able to take his project where it needs to go. I hope that someday I will be able to do something like it, but I feel much better, and a LOT less guilty, now that I admitted the truth to myself.