Guilt Free

The other night, I made a post that I would normally never make. I tend to keep my thoughts and worries to myself. But it was late, I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t have my true partner home with me. So…for some reason…I sent it out into Blog Land. I’m glad I did. Some of you gave me such wonderful support and asked some questions that I hadn’t really thought about. Mostly I was just reeling from the shock of it all.

I’ve had time to think about how I really feel about all this. It’s funny, but the thing I feel the most is a lack of guilt. I have been feeling guilty about so many things with all the work involved in this endeavor. If I was doing something with KT, I felt guilty that I wasn’t doing preschool stuff. If I was doing preschool, I felt as though I had abandoned my girl. In a couple of weeks I was supposed to be a counselor at Girl Scout Day Camp with Mimi. I needed that time for preschool planning. The girls have been dying to drive down to San Diego to visit the beach their grandparents. How could I take time for that? In October after Shaun’s product ships we want to go off by ourselves somewhere (anywhere) if my folks can be suckered persuaded to spend time with the girls. You can’t just leave your business.

So, my former-almost-partner and I talked. She’s feeling scared and out of control. This is something that she really, really wants to do. But she wants to make all the decisions without having to consult with someone else. I understand that. I also respect the fact that she realized this and told me before we got too much further into it.

I considered doing the school on my own. I’m realizing now that my heart isn’t as into it as I thought it was. My heart is with my children and with my husband. I only have a few short years left with the girls here at home. I need to make the most of them.

So, I guess all’s well that ends well….I like having a happy, guilt free heart.


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