My Big Toe

For reasons unknown to me, my dad has been wanting me to tell this story.  Personally, I think that there are some stories that really should be allowed to die a peaceful death, however…

Eons ago, when I still lived at home,  one of my best friends had a phobia about driving.  Ericka had been in a car accident shortly after she had gotten her drivers license, and just couldn’t bring herself to sit behind the wheel of a car again.  So it fell to me to haul us all over the place.  It wasn’t a big deal as I really enjoyed driving.  (Interestingly enough, I still seem to be playing chauffeur on a daily basis) The only thing about this arrangement was that when I arrived to pick her up, she was very seldom ready to go.  Needless to say, it didn’t take too many times of impatiently watching her put on her make-up that I started to show up later and later.

One day, Ericka called me up to see why I was over an hour late getting to her place.  I hadn’t been paying attention to the time and was more than a little embarrassed.  My mom was more than willing to make excuses for me though.  She told Ericka that I should be along shortly as the firemen were just leaving.  Horrified that something awful had happened, my friend pressed for details.  My mother was quite happy to give them to her. 

Mom explained to my friend that it started out simply enough.  I had been taking a bubble bath when, for no reason at all, I had stuck my big toe in the faucet.  When I was ready to pull it back out, it remained stuck in place.  I had struggled to remove my toe, but finally gave up and started hollering for my mom to come help me. 

My mother then told about how she had to pick the lock before she could get into the bathroom.  She then tugged on my toe with all her might before realizing that the more we pulled the more swollen (and firmly stuck) my toe was becoming.  In desperation, my mom called the fire department. 

Ericka listened in amazement as Mom described the muscular firemen dismantling the facet while I huddled, clasping a towel to myself, ready to just be swallowed into the earth from humiliation.  Mom told her that the fireman had just managed to release me without laughing too obviously right before Ericka had called.  I was still hiding in my room, but would most likely be along to pick her up before too long.   

I just shook my head at my mother and sighed as I left to go pick up Ericka.  This was before I remembered that Ericka had an even bigger mouth than my mom did.  Soon everyone we worked with knew the entire story. 

I don’t think I would have minded it so much…except for the fact that my mother had made the entire story up on a whim.  And people want to know where I get my imagination from…

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